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Always wash your hands! will close at the end of October 2018. Thank you all. It has been a fun 14 years!

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'Glittering temple of p*ss' - photo from The Tavern, Widnes
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'Mouldier than your dead granny.' - photo from The Tavern, Widnes
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'A bit cramped in here, careful!' - photo from The Tavern, Widnes
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'Also furnished with unspeakable black slime' - photo from The Tavern, Widnes
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The Tavern, Widnes

The Tavern
288 Upton Lane
Added: 1/9/2007
Modified: 2/19/2010 1:07:44 PM

A good solid boozer, situated a reassuring distance from the part of Widnes where using a knife and fork is considered snobbery. Four (!) garish pool tables are situated at the end of the bar, enabling even the blindest scoper to get a game; and there's also a very underhand jukebox which will play brass band tracks until somebody feeds it a quid or two.

Beer is reasonably good, if a little on the pricey side at 2.55 for a pint of Stella, and 2.70 for a Corona (it deters the dole scum though). The food is perfectly acceptable, and very reasonably priced; Lloyd Grossman would probably disagree, but that's because he's a c*nt. General ambience could be called 'robust', although it can get a bit 'sixth formy' sometimes, with angst ridden Jack Osbourne-alikes, sporting novelty rock beards and nervously sipping the cheapest thing available, the twats.

Right, this pub boasts not one but two places where you can p*ss all over your shoes. The sports end is where the action is and by kicking out time, there is usually a lake of p*ss on the floor. Be careful on entering, I've seen people practically figure-skate their way from the door, across the slippery floor tiles straight towards the brimming trough of doom. Three giant, vitreous booths offer protection from eveybodys splashback but your own. There's a major damp problem in this area, and on the back of the cubicle door, it says 'Paul ov (sic) Alders takes it up the arse', brilliant.

The other end is more sedate, but don't let that fool you, the toilets there ming of p*ss most of the time. Neither are you afforded the luxury of your own segment of the trough. This is a 'three manner' at most, and if you're not carefully positioned when using the hand drier, you're practically on top of the dude at the extreme left; avert your gaze gentlemen, the queen wouldn't like it...

There are currently 4 comments about The Tavern, Widnes

#1: Comment left by the greyhounds balls of near the tav

“these toilets really are minging .plus for the added benefit they have smeared vaseline all over every surface to deter the cokeheads. all this does is f*cks your clothes....its common knowledge that there are other ways to do coke ”

Date: 7/16/2009 12:49:01 PM

#2: Comment left by Holdyournose of Widnes

“The toilets in this establishment are at best a disgrace.

The stench that hits your nostrils when you enter can only be described as worse than being kicked hard in the nuts!

There are times when I have left and simply wet myself as I run outside to find a suitable bush.

I actually think if you put a rat inside either of these sh*tholes, they would leave at the first opportunity.

Think Trainspotting and your close, but times it by 3 and then add 1.”

Date: 7/23/2009 12:38:31 PM

#3: Comment left by Blue nose of Widnes

“Prefer to slip into the birds toilets, least they dont stink of sh*t and p*ss. Well, not till I have been in there.
As for the vaseline. Very courteous I thought, especially if you have ring sting, or raw nostrils.”

Date: 7/29/2009 8:19:14 PM

#4: Comment left by Jeff Demeff of Ditton

“these bogs are the sh*t man”

Date: 2/18/2010 6:46:48 PM

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